Pierats of the Careabeein: The Lost Hamster
by im-a-bit-lost
Summary: A parody of the first film only this time Jack Sparrow and everyone else find themselves followed by a muli colored hamster. Haha, seriously who would suspect the hamster?
1. Chapter 1: In The Beginning

**A/N:** Okay this is my first story so be nice. Be open to it too for all the jokes here are based on manyinside jokes between me and my sister, Gizmogurlie(who btw I highly reccommend her story). Also she did help a bit with this story and she and I want you to know that every actor in this movie we respect and none of the jokes against them in this story is personal or because we hate them or blah blah blah. Enjoy!

**Pie-rats of the Care-a-bee-in**

Chapter Eleven

In the beginning…

Standing on the bow of a merchant ship was a young girl by the named Elizabeth something or another. Elizabeth thought it would be nice to sing for the hard working crew of the ship. Elizabeth started singing, "Don't wanna be an American idiot…" When all of a sudden a fat ugly old man grabbed her shoulder and said "Don't be singin' that song miss something or another. Curseded pie-rats sail them here waters. You don't want too be bringin' them here now do you?"

Elizabeth spun around and said "Why, yes what ever your name is, I do want to bring a cursed pie-rat down upon us. So, that when I grow up I can be secretly in love with him, while having to marry the stupid sod behind you who will tell you to leave me alone and who will seem to never age." Sure enough the stupid sod came up behind the fat old man and said. "Mr. Gibbs that will do." Mr. Gibbs turned in protest and said "But Mr. What ever your name is. Elizabeth is singin' bout pie-rats. It is bad luck to be singin' bout pie-rats in this morning's unnatural fog. Mark me words." The younger slightly more attractive man said "Wow Mr. Gibbs the use of the word unnatural for you is a big accomplishment for you."

The better-looking man told Mr. Gibbs to shove off. Though the better-looking man really wanted the fat ugly old Mr. Gibbs to jump over bored. So he would never be seen again. Mr. Gibbs said "Yes, Lieutenant." As Gibbs went past the young attractive man he said "Its bad luck to be bringin' a woman an board. Let alone a miniature one at that." Then Mr. Gibbs to out a small bottle, that he hides in one of his many folds of fat, and took a long swig of milk.

Elizabeth then told her future never aging husband not to be "I think it would be exciting to meet a pie-rat." The future husband not to be looked at his future wife not to be and said "Think again you stupid child. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see that any man who sails under a pie-rat flag or wears a pie-rat brand shall get what they deserve." He then looked down at his future not too be wife and noticed a glowing green hamster run by. He thought to him self how odd it was to see a glowing pink hamster run by. He was thinking of stop drinking so much in the morning when his future wife not to be asked, "What do you think they deserve?" He looked down at her and said "A short drop and a sudden stop and a glass of cold milk."

Elizabeth then looked at Mr. Gibbs too see him scratching his crotch. She shuddered in horror at the site she had just witnessed. Then Elizabeth's father came up a said "Lieutenant Norrington, I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the affect this subject will have on my daughter. If you continue to put such horrible thoughts into my daughter head, she just might end up falling in love with a young pie-rat, the one she's about to find floating in the water, and might end up marring him instead of you. Now wouldn't that just be horrible? And it would be all your fault you stupid sod!" The circle of life.

"My apologies, governor Swann."Lieutenant Norrington told the governor. Then the younger version of Elizabeth said "Actually, I find it all fascinating." The governor looked down at his only daughter with down syndrome and said "Yes. That's what concerns me." He then left his young daughter to do what ever she wanted to do.

After her father left Elizabeth and decided to look out into the open waters of the South Pacific Ocean. While she gazed out into the open water she noticed something floating in the water. At first she thought it was a glowing yellow hamster. Then she realized that that was a foolish idea. Hamsters can't float or breathe under water. Not like bunnies. Not like her best friend Frank who is a giant six-foot bunny. Elizabeth wondered could she be seeing floating in the water. Then as it came closer she realized that it was an umbrella. She thought, "Man, I could use a new umbrella. My current umbrella is soooo nineties. I totally need to up date." It was at that moment when she saw one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen in her short life. To top it all off he looked exactly like the totally hot actor Orlando Bloom. She thought how wrong could I go with a hottie like him? I think I'll have my father bring the hot man aboard

Elizabeth then screamed, "Look! A man! There is a man in the water!" All the men looked at her like she was the crazed down syndrome foolish girl she was. Then she yelled "Do you like Indian food?" At that they all went running to the side of the boat to look at the young hot man, who can't act, floating in the water.

Then Lieutenant Norrington casually said, "Man overboard." He then thought how much he did not want this younger hotter man on the ship because he was the young man who was going to steal his wife not too be away from him, but he gave the order to have the young man brought aboard. Some unimportant crewmen said, "Man the ropes." Lieutenant said, "Fetch a hook. So as we could "accidentally" fatally wounding him keeping him out of my beautiful existence. Another man more attractive than me! Why that is just not right. " Then yet another unimportant crewman who seemed to think he was important enough to speak said, "Haul him aboard."

After a couple of hours the crew finally got the young man aboard. They handed him off to one another till the young man finally came into the hands of Lieutenant Norrington. Lieutenant Norrington checked the young man out to make sure he was all right. Then Lieutenant Norrington pointed out the obvious saying "He's still breathing." as he notice the young man was still breathing. Of course the fat tub of lard Gibbs said, "Mary, Mudder of God!" As he notices a small ship that had a small fire on it. The entire ship stopped to look at the small ship with a small fire, to see the other crew trying to put the small fire out. Governor Swan asked "What happened here?" Lieutenant Norrington replied, "It's the powder magazine. Merchant vessels run heavily armed."

Then he thought why in the world would any ship want to carry around a heavy arm? That is just plain wrong, and where did they get heavy arms any way? Is it a human arm? Or maybe it's the long arm of the law. Then he noticed that there was a glowing black hamster on a flag floating in the water. He then realized that the fat tub of lard Gibbs was talking. Gibbs was saying something to the affect of "A lot of good it did them. Every one is just thinking it. I'm just saying it. Pie-rats. Governor Swan said "There's no proof of that. It's probably an accident"

Governor Swann couldn't think that it could be pie-rats. No, that couldn't be the case. No pie-rat could so such a thing. It must have been that dammed purple glowing hamster. Why pie-rats are good kind respectable creatures that would never hurt a fly. They enjoy milk and doing great things for there community. Of course he was just as messed up in the head as his youngest daughter what's her fuck? Lieutenant Norrington said, "Rouse the captain immediately." Then Gibbs responded in a hurried tone, "Yes Sir, I go arouse the captain." Norrington stopped for the briefest second to respond to what Gibbs had just said. Then he was distracted and barked out orders. Heave to and take in the sail. Launch the boats.

While all of this was going on Elizabeth went to the young man to stair at his hotness. Then some man picked up the young man where he lay on the floor, where he belonged, to move him to a much more comfortable spot. At that moment the Govern went to his only daughter and said, "Elizabeth, I want you to accompany the young man. He will be in your charge. Take good care of your future husband" Elizabeth looked up at her father and said, "What so you think I have been doing all this time? Scratching my ass? I have been accompanying him and taking care of him this entire time." She then turned and went after her future husband. So, you gave into peer pressure then? Only because I was stoned!

While the crew was searching for survivors little Elizabeth went to her true loves side. Looked at him lovingly and went to move a misplaced lock of the young mans hair when out of the blue the young man wake up and grabbed Elizabeth's arm. Being scared half out of her wit's she asked, "Are you trying to kill me?" "Yes, I am trying to kill you." The young nearly thirty-year-old man said. "It's okay. My name is Elizabeth Swann." The little bitch said, "Blinking Fish. I mean Will Turrner, but you can call me Blinking Fish. I was kind of hoping that you would have been a strapping young lad about 24 or older." Elizabeth looked at him quizzically and asked "Your gay?" Blinking Fish replied, "Yes I am but that's not the point, I am never going to age like you will. Then I shall fall madly in love while all the time being gay at the same time." Elizabeth liked the crazy idea the strange never aging Blinking Fish told her. As Blinking Fish passed out Elizabeth said, "I am watching over you Blinking Fish."

Elizabeth then had noticed a necklace around her future husbands neck. She pulled out the necklace and noticed that it was pie-rats gold metal made into a necklace. She then said, "You're a pie-rat. All right my dream is coming true." Her future not to be never aging husband Lieutenant Norrington asked young Elizabeth "Has your future gay husband said anything? Anything of any importance that is." Elizabeth turned around hiding Blinking Fishes pie-rat gold in order to protect him from a short drop and a quick stop and said, "His name is Blinking Fish, and he is gay and wants to marry me when I grow to be about his age. That's all I found out." Norrinton said, "Take him below and do try to keep your hand off him. You never know you might become poor just by touching him or his clothing."

Then Elizabeth went to the front of the ship to look at the pie-rat gold she stole from Blinking Fish. As she looked at the gold she thought of how much money she could get buy selling the gold. She thought of how she could shop at Armani or Gucci. Perhaps with the money she could own her own clothing line store in time square in New York. As she daydreamed about what she could by with the stolen gold she noticed something strange. It was another ship. I can't see my cats in the way. This ship looked brand new and it had a pi-rat flag on it. She realized that it was the legendary cursed but very comfortable and luxurious Black Pearl. Dramatic music plays: Dun Dun DUUUUUNNNN!

End of chapter Seven


	2. Chapter 2: Tomorrow I Love You

Chapter Three

Tomorrow I love you

Elizabeth awakes from her dream and decided to take out her pie-rat gold she stole from Blinking Fish. She opened her nightstand and removed all the usual contents she kept in her nightstand. Elizabeth took out her diary, a book, some paper, a few dead bodies, a starfish, and a vibrator. You know the usual stuff a fictional character would keep in her nightstand drawer. When she had finally taken all the stuff out of her nightstand she opened the false bottom where she kept Blinking Fishes pie-rat gold. She had intended to sell it long ago, but was now madly in love with the gay man of her dreams. So, she decided to keep it as a memento from their first meeting.

She then put it around her neck and started to admire the gold when a knock came to her door along with the voice of her father asking, "Elizabeth? Are you all right? Are you decent?" Elizabeth still in her nightclothes puts on a robe and answered, "Yes, yes!" Governor Swann asked, "Still abed at this hour?" One of many maids of Elizabeth's opened the curtains in the large room. As the sunlight touched Elizabeth's skin it caused her to blister and catch on fire. Ignoring his youngest burning daughter, Governor Swann said, "Oh, it's a beautiful day. I have a gift for you." Yet another of the many maids came up next to the Governor and presented a box to Elizabeth. The Governor opened the box for his oldest down syndrome daughter for she did not have the brainpower to do it for herself.

Elizabeth, impressed said, "Oh, it's beautiful." Governor thought to him self _"No shit you stupid retard. You think I'd get something ugly for my retarded second oldest son? I don't think so. I only get the best for my children."_ Elizabeth looked at her father and said, "What do you mean your only retarded son?" The Governor said, "Did I say that out loud?" Elizabeth looked at her father like he was an idiot and said, "Yes, you said that out loud." Then the Governor said, "What I meant to say was, "Isn't it."

Elizabeth being the paranoid schizophrenic she is asked her father, "May I inquirer as to the occasion?" A fly exploded. It was funny. Governor Swann said, "Does a father need an occasion to dote on his favorite Daughter?" Elizabeth went to put the dress back in the box when she noticed a clear color glowing hamster in the dress box. She was going to point out the brown glowing hamster, when her father turned to the maid and said, "Go on." So instead of putting the dress away Elizabeth decided to put the dress on. "Actually, I had hoped you would wear it for me tonight." Elizabeth was not sure if she heard her father right so she said, "I'm sorry father I didn't quite hear what you said. Could you repeat it?" The Governor said a little more loudly so his daughter could hear, "Actually, I I had hoped you might wear it for the ceremony today." The Governor droned on. "Ceremony?" Elizabeth asked her father as he droned on. The Governor continued to say, "Captain Norrington's promotion ceremony."

When Elizabeth heard this news she poked her head out from where she was getting dressed and said. "I knew it. I KNEW IT! All you want from me is to marry that stupid sod. That's why you bought me the dress. Not because you love me. Not because you wanted to dote on me, but because you want me to marry Norrington." Her father looked down at his feet a little embarrassed and said, "Well yea, he has money and power what more would you want from a man? Love?" Chuckling to him self he continued to say, "Commodore Norrington, as he's about to become! A fine gentleman, don't you think? He fancies you, you know?" While her father droned on a maid tried to kill Elizabeth by tightening her corset. Elizabeth gasped out of pain as the maid was killing her… I mean tightening her corset. This gave alarm to her father who said, "Elizabeth? How's it coming?" Hardly being able to breath from the maids dastardly deed Elizabeth managed to choke out "It's difficult to say." Your period starts in three, two, one…

The Governor being completely oblivious to both of his daughter's pain said, "I'm told it's the latest fashion in London." Bewildered at the news her father had just presented to her about the women of London who liked to be tortured by wearing corsets said, "Well, women in London must've learned not to breathe." She added under her breath "Idiot London women are almost as bad as American women." An unimportant servant thinking it was okay for him to speak interrupted the Governor and Miss Swann by saying, "Milord, you have a visitor." The Governor noticed a glowing sea green hamster trailing after his servant, but decided not to say anything as the hamster made a hard left and into another room. He didn't think anyone would believe an old sod like him self. They would probably think him mad and have him committed.

The scene changes to the hot Orlando Bloom standing in the front entrance of an expansive house. He is waiting to be seen by the Governor. While he is waiting he notices a fixture on the wall holding some non-lit candles. For some odd reason Blinking Fish decides to go up to the fixture and touch it. When Blinking Fish touched the candleholder apiece came off. Then the entire wall started to crack, crumble, then fell backwards. Leaving a gapping hole the size of the entire wall out into the beautiful sunny outside. Blinking Fish not sure what to do about the piece in his hand put it in a vase holding umbrellas and cans, that was sitting by the now once front doors. He was about to do something about the gapping hole when a man walked by holding a platter with a pot of tea. The Blinking Fish said, "Hi." to the unimportant servant as he walked by.

Just then the Governor came down the stairs and said, "Ah, Blinking Fish, good to see you again." Blinking Fish walked up to the Governor presenting a box he had been holding the entire scene and said, "Good day, Sir. I have your order." Blinking Fish then put the box down on a table, opened the box, and presented the Governor a dildo. The Governor took the dildo and said, "Well." While the Governor admired Blinking Fish said, "The dildo is folded plastic. That's gold filigree laid into the handle. If I may…" The Governor handed Blinking Fish the dildo. Blinking Fish balanced the dildo and continued, "Perfectly balanced. The tang is nearly the full width of the dildo." Blinking Fish flips the dildo around and nearly cut himself with it while he gracefully handed the dildo back to the Governor.

The Governor took back the dildo. Then gave the dildo back too Blinking Fish, and said, "Impressive. Very impressive. Ah, now, Commodore Norrington is going to be very pleased with this. Do pass my compliments on to your Master. Hmm?" The Blinking Fish responded by saying, "I shall. A craftsman is always pleased to hear his work is appreciated." Both Governor Swann and Blinking Fish looked up as Elizabeth entered the room.

Seeing his youngest daughter looking so beautiful he said, "Oh, Elizabeth, you look absolutely stunning." The Governor thought how lucky she was to be able to fit in a dress like the one his third oldest daughter was wearing. He had often wished he could fit in a dress like that, but at last he could not. So instead he settled for wearing the ugliest wig he could find. As Elizabeth came down the stairs she saw Blinking Fish, which brought a smile to her face. It always made her smile to see her future gay husband and said, "Blinking Fish! It's good to see you. I had the most horrendous nightmare about you last night" The fly blew up again. It's so funny. I love it. "About me?" Blinking Fish asked surprised that Elizabeth had a dream. Blinking Fish was crush that she was still in love with him. All he wanted was a strapping young lad to take home. Not some young women.

The Governor was not at all happy that his daughter was speaking to a hot young man that was not in the same social quo as them selves. The Governor said, "Yes, well, is that entirely proper for you to…?" Elizabeth ignoring her drug-addicted father said, "About the day we met, do you remember?" The Blinking Fish replied, "How could I forget, Miss Swann?" Blinking Fish thought to him self. _Of course I remember you stupid sod. I suffered a severe concussion when I was shoved over bored by the captain. On the way down to the water I had hit my head on the ship and go knocked out. When I awoke for the briefest moment you where standing over me! How could I forget that?_

Elizabeth shocked to hear that Blinking Fish was shoved off the merchant ship, and said "You poor thing I can't believe someone could push such a young man over bored!" Blinking Fish confused, thinking he thought all that in his head said, "Did I say that out loud? Elizabeth said, "Yes, you stupid sod and what is it with you people and saying your thoughts out loud?" Blinking Fish said, "Well, that's what happens when you're in the mind of a retarded writer." Elizabeth looked at her father. He nodded his head in agreement. She took in this fact and decided to leave it at that. Just when you thought it was safe. BAM!

"Oh and, Blinking Fish, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?" Knowing his place and knowing he would be slapped if he called her Elizabeth, Blinking Fish replied, "At least once more, Miss Swann, as always." You could see the disappointment in Elizabeth's face when Blinking Fish didn't call her by her first name. The Governor not noticing anything went on and said, "There. See? At least the boy has a sense of propriety. He knows where he belongs. "On, the dirty floor with the pigs." Replied Blinking Fish. Satisfied to hear the proper response from Blinking Fish, Governor said, "Well, now we really must be going." He then picked up an umbrella from the vase and gave it to Elizabeth while saying "There you are. Come catch the crabs."

Elizabeth, showing her disappointment to, Blinking Fish said, "Good day Mr. Turner." The Governor annoyed by his only daughter's lagging said, "Come along." Then they both turned and left threw the gapping hole. "Good day…" Blinking Fish said trailing off after Elizabeth and the Governor got into a carriage. When Elizabeth was out of earshot Blinking Fish finished saying good bye by muttering, "…Norrington."

As Blinking Fish watched the carriage leave the grounds he noticed something odd. He saw a multi-colored glowing hamster on its hind legs spinning in circles. The out of the blue the hamster took off running toward the carriage. The hamster ran while still spinning in circles. Blinking Fish looked around with bewilderment to see if anyone else had seen the white glowing hamster spinning around in circle, but no one else was around. So he just turned around and went back in the house. He was never allowed to leave via the front door. He was not good enough yet to leave via the front door.

End of chapter 42


	3. Chapter 3: The Tree Step Program

Chapter One Thousand and Nine

**The Tree Step Program:**

"…And then there was this one time at band camp. I took a flute and stuck it up my…" Sorry, wrong movie. Captain Jack Sparrow stands on the mast of what he thinks is his boat, noticing that it's filling up with water he stands there and does nothing about it. The only thing he does is stare at another boat. A really small boat that has a yellow glowing hamster at its helm. It strikes Captain Jack Sparrow funny that a hamster can pilot a boat all by its little lonesome. Another thing that strikes Captain Jack Sparrow, as even more odd about the whole hamster thing, is the fact that the hamster is giving Jack the finger. My cat is in the way again and she doesn't seem like she wants to move. There she goes. Then Jack notices three pirate skeletons hanging with a sign "pirates ye be welcome" and waves to the three skeletons. The skeletons wave back and are happy too get any sort of attention. The boat finally reaches its destination, the port of some city. As Captain Jack Sparrow sails into port he gathers the attention of the people who are going about doing their business. They stop to watch as the proud Jack stands on the mast of his sinking boat. His boat sinks lower and lower until he is at the dock and is able to simply walk off the boat's mast.

As Jack walks down the dock toward land he passes an unimportant man holding a book. The unimportant man addresses Jack and says, "What – hey. Hold up, there, you. Yes you woman. It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock." Both the men look at the sunken ship. Jack looks at the unimportant man and said, "Did you just call me a woman and are you really going to charge me for sinking my boat at your dock?"

The unimportant man said, "Yes I did and matter a fact I am." Then the unimportant man with the book added "And I shall need to know your name." Jack digs into his pockets and says, "What do you say to a single shilling…" he gives the single shilling to the unimportant man and continues to say, "…and we forget the name?" The unimportant man takes Jacks single shilling gratefully and says, "Welcome to Port Royal, Mrs. Smith. Thank you, come again."

Mrs. Smith notices the unimportant mans moneybag and picks it up. Jack throws the bag at the unimportant man. The bag hits the unimportant man in the head and knocks him into the water. Jack went to where the moneybag fell picked it up and left the dock. As the unimportant man was getting out of the water he noticed a really small boat. A small boat that looked like it belonged to a hamster. Dun Dun DUUUNNNNNN! The plot thickens…

The scene changes all of a sudden, confusing Jack to no end. At first he was on the dock and now he's at some ceremony. Jack then notices a maroon colored glowing hamster on the floor near his feet. He notices that the hamster looks just as confused as he was when the scene changed. Jack realizing that he was among a bunch of solders and knew he had to hide some place so as not to get caught. You all know what happens to a pie-rat that is caught by the authority. A short drop a sudden stop and a glass of cold milk. So Jack decided to hide behind a stone archway. Jack notices men marching and he pans his attention across people who have been enslaved for Norrington's promotion ceremony. Then his eyes finally fall on Elizabeth. She and others are fanning them selves for the heat of the afternoon and are hoping for their pain to end. I meant for the ceremony to end. Elizabeth notices Jack standing behind the archway Norrington is to come through and yells to Jack, "Help me. Please help me." And of course no one pays attention to the down syndrome child.

Jack realized that he is standing behind the archway in which Norrington (even though Jack doesn't know Norrington at this point.) is going to go through to get to his new sword. Jack got the wonderful idea of putting a strong rope across the archway near the bottom. All done so he can watch the poor man trip and fall and make a fool of himself. See, I told you it was a good idea too glue my butt shut.

The scene changes yet again which confuses Jack even more. Jack is now standing looking at a boat. Jack looks around to get his bearings then heads toward the boat he was looking at when the scene changes for a third time. Jack is back at Norrington's promotion ceremony, but not in the same spot as before. Some random man yells out "Two paces march!" a group of solders standing in a line. The solders part to make way for Norrington. The random man yells another order "Right about face! Present arms!" One of the solders asks, "Present our arms? But I don't wont to present my arms. I like them where they are. I don't want to give my arms up. Please don't make me give up my arms." The solders put their guns together to form a tunnel of guns for Norrington to walk down. Norrington came running through the archway, screaming like mad, when his feet got entangled into some rope that someone put across the archway near the bottom. Jack notices that Norrington's attire is in complete disarray. It looked like Norrington had been in a fight with a violet glowing hamster.

Norrington yelled "WWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as he went down. Norrington tried to gain his balance but was unable to. As he fell he went right into a solder holding a gun. Unfortunately, the sharp knife thing on the end of the gun did not injure Norrington. As Norrington went down he took down the entire line of solders as he went down. As the solders went down some of them accidentally shot their guns. One of the solders accidentally shot, and killed Elizabeth. Jack enjoyed watching his prank come into full bloom. It made Jack proud to be a pie-rat, at the site in which he had created. Pie-rats Rule!

Norrington enjoyed his trip to the ground. He thought it was painful but fun. He got up and ran as fast as he could to where the Governor was standing and waiting to give him his five cent award for something he did. He grabbed the Governor by his lapels and screamed, "Don't trust glowing hamsters in large groups! When one goes off the rest get going, and there is nothing you can do about it!" The Governor looked at Norrington like he was the mad man he really was, and asked "What? What are you going on about dear boy?" "We must leave immediately to over throw the glowing hamsters!" Norrington screamed. "What about your award ceremony and your five cent sword?" The Governor asked the now psycho Norrington. Norrington looked around in a confused state and asked, "I get a sword?" The Governor a little annoyed said, "Yes Norrington you get a shinny new sword with your promotion. Remember the sword made by the gay man who is soon too steal your wife away from you?" Norrington calmed down and said, "Oh yea, carry on then." Elizabeth looks very uncomfortable in her corset, but no one notices or cares. Finally Governor Swann takes a sword from a table and presents it to Norrington. Norrington happily takes the sword and unsheathes it and swings it around like a moron, cutting a few people's heads off while he is at it.

The scene changes on poor Jack for a fourth time. "Okay the scene changing constantly is getting me confused and very nauseated. So stop it!" Jack yells out to no one in particular. Jack finds him self on a ram. He gets off the ram and heads down to the boat he was originally headed for. Jack passes two solders that where sitting about doing nothing. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum notice Jack and go after him. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum run in front of Jack cutting him off from his path to the boat.

Thinking he is good enough to talk to someone. Tweedle-Dee addresses Jack and says, "Dis duck is off lime-its to subilians and pie-rats."

Yossi thinks that even with a bloody mouth and a shovel ready to kill his wife Johnny Depp is still hot. Johnny Depp reapplied to the two things "I'm terribly sorry I didn't know. If I see one I shall inform you immediately." Jack tried to proceed on to his destination when he is again thwarted by the irritating Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum.

Jack thinks he should push both the men into the water if they don't stop bothering him but decides against it, thinking that he can get around them with out having to push them into the water.

"Apparently there's some sort of high toned and fancy to do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two dumb, as shit morons such as yourselves did not merit an invitation? Could it be that you're sad and pathetic?" Jack asks Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. The both replied in unison "We're special! So we get the pecialist job of watching the big boats. It's the bestest job in the whole wide world." Jack just looks at them in disbelief. Then Jack starts to think that pushing Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum into the water wasn't such a bad idea. It would help him get to the boat quicker, and he would no longer be irritated from the two freaks that stand before him. The only thing stopping Jack from pushing them into the water is a law suite. So Jack decides against the idea of not pushing them into the water and shoves both men into the water.

Tweedle-Dum says in a proud voice, "Someone as ta make sure dis duck stays off lime its to subilians." Jack at first stairs at them both thinking how two simpletons could become solders then says in a sarcastic tone, "It's a fine goal to be sure but it seems to me that a…" Jack tries to get around Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum but the continue to block his path. "…Ship like that makes this one here a bit superfluous, really." Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum both turn and look at the ship Jack is pointing at. Tweedle-Dee says, "Oh, da Dauntless most powerfulist in da waters, two enuf, but dare's no ship as can match da Intacepta fer speed." Jack pretends to think for a second then says, "I've heard of two, there suppose to be nigh uncatchable…the Black Pearl and the little glowing blue hamster ship I saw coming into port this morning." The fly blowing up never ceases to amaze me.

Suddenly Blinking fish comes running out of nowhere flailing his arms like a stoned girl chasing after the ice cream man, and screaming, "Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" he then stops in front of Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum and looks at them for a moment. Then says, "Botha!" and pushes Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum into the water. Blinking Fish then continues to run away screaming "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!"

Jack looks at the camera, then at the two drowning solders, then at the now fading screaming Blinking Fish, and has no idea what to say. So, Jack just shrugs thinking '_I have seen worse in Singapore_.'

Jack stares down at the two drowning solders and just stands there. Tweedle-Dee shouts to Jack in desperation, "Elp us! Pea's elp us! Bof uz aint knowin how ta swim." Jack says, "Sure, I'll help you." And turns around and walks away. Tweedle-Dum confused at Jack turning his back on them yells, "I tot ye gunna to elp us?" As Jack walks away he yells over his shoulder, "I am! Hold on a second." The two solders watch as helplessly as Jack walks away.

Shortly after Jack leaves he comes back with something large in his hands. Jack walks over to Tweedle-Dee and hands him an anvil with fast drying super glue all over it. Tweedle-Dee, who is too damn stupid, gratefully took the gluey anvil. The moment the moron took the anvil; the glue dried and took Tweedle-Dee down to the bottom of Port Royal. Tweedle-Dum looks at where Tweedle-Dee was struggling for his life then looks up at Jack in horror and demands, "Wud ya do tat fur? I tot ye gunna elp us?"

"I am helping you out. I just never said how I was going to help you out. I'm helping you out by helping you to you're deaths quickly. You did say you wanted me to help you. So, I'm helping you out! What more do you want? Do answer that please." Jack replied with a smug grin as he walks away from the drowning retards.

Tweedle-Dum, who was furious at Jack for what he has done, screamed, "Dis nut over till da fat lady signs!" At that moment Jack and Tweedle-Dum heard a faint noise. They both look around and saw nothing. At first Jack thought it might be the Blinking Fish returning, but couldn't find him anywhere. The noise was getting louder. To Jack it sounded like a woman singing, from a far distance and she was getting closer. Oh my god, the new Jack-in-the-box commercial is freaky. Jack (not sure why) but he looked up to the sky. To Jacks surprised he saw a fat lady falling from the sky and she was singing.

Jack watched as the fat lady fell from the sky. Jack watched as the fat lady got closer and closer. He followed the path to where the fat lady was going to fall and realized that her path was to be on top of Tweedle-Dum. Jack started to laugh to him self. Tweedle-Dum asked to no one in particular, "Wut da?" The retard never thought to look up until it was too late. Tweedle-Dum looked up just as her ass was about to hit him. He never had time to scream. The fat lady slammed into the freaking moron killing it (I mean the solder). The fat lady sunk to the bottom of the sea while she sang some opera and having Tweedle-Dum firmly planted between her ass cheeks.

At that moment the scene changed on Jack again. This time he was standing in front of bush. He looked down at his hands and noticed that they where replaced with scissors. Once he realized what happened to his hands he screamed bloody murder. Before anyone around him could do anything for Edward they all stopped. They had noticed a powder blue glowing hamster. The hamster they had noticed had little scissors instead of paws. It was a truly odd site too behold. The scene then changed on Jack again. This time Jack was holding a shovel standing behind a woman. Jack had the shovel held up over he's head as if he was about to strike the woman in front of him. Jack then noticed a red glowing hamster. Jack decided instead of hitting his wife he'd rather get rid of the damn glowing hamster. Unfortunately as Jack swung the shovel down to take out the hamster the scene changed on him yet again. This time Jack found himself looking up a strange metal tower. At the top of the odd structure was a young retarded Leonardo DeCaprio. He noticed the young Leo holding a tan glowing hamster.

The young retarded Leo noticed Jack. Leo yelled down to yelled down to Jack "Here Jack! Catch!" Leo let go of the honey colored glowing hamster. Before Jack could catch the dark blue glowing hamster the scene changed again. Then Jack found him self in a place at first he thought he could not see. After a minute he realized his eyes had been ripped of their sockets. He heard some kid talking too him in Spanish, but wasn't listening. Jack started to really get freaked out. Jack figured that if this kept happening to him he'd kill himself.

While Jack is going slowly mad from scene changes, Norrington is forcing Elizabeth onto the battlements platform. Norrington asks Elizabeth, "Do you have a moment?" Elizabeth annoyed says. "No!" Norrington, ignoring Elizabeth, says, "Uh, you look lovely today." Elizabeth half-heartedly laughs and wishes how she had a gun at that moment.

Norrington presses on without so much a thought other then him self and says, "I know you don't like me. It's painfully obvious to everyone but me, and maybe your father. So I apologize if I seem forward. Oh wait I'm not sorry, but that's not the point. I must speak my mind. This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved. Aging, your love, love for that matter, respect and many other things. The top thing I haven't achieved is marriage to a fine woman."

Elizabeth interrupts and asks, "What's that one woman? What's her name?"

Norrington thinks for a moment then remembers and says, "Oh you mean Liz! Well that was not a marriage nor did the relationship last long."

Elizabeth curiously asked, "Why not? You talked so much about her. You must have really been in love. I wish I got to meet her."

Norrington remembering Liz fondly said, "Well there where several problems with my relationship with Liz. First off the law forbids man and animal marriage and the biggest problem was I could never get her pregnant. Matter a fact I named her after you"

Elizabeth's eyes widened in shock and disgust for that was just WAY too much info. Not knowing how to respond to such a thing. Elizabeth just managed a simple, "Eww!"

Norrington went on as nothing happened and said, "You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth. What I'm about to tell you… you cannot say no… do you understand?

Elizabeth nodded slowly, still in a state of shock.

Norrington said, "Good. I'll just keep pressuring you until you say yes anyway. So that's why you can't say no." Elizabeth said, " I can't breath!" Norrington looked upon Elizabeth like the retard she was and said. "Of course not. You're wearing a corset; it's hot out, you are you and I'm a bit nerves myself. Now as I was saying, I will pressure…"

Before Norrington finished the sentence Elizabeth said, "I can't take the pressure!" and jumped off the battlement. Before Norrington could say anything Jack came out of nowhere and yelled, "I can't take the pressure either!" and does a swan dive off the battlement. Norrington had no time to absorb what just happened when he saw a pearl colored hamster jump off the battlement as well. Norrington thought to him self, "I have to quit drinking so much milk in the morning."

End Of Chapter 23

_**This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Ronald Turner Jr., January 18, 1981 to February 27, 2005. Rest in peace.**_


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